I am so sick of well meaning friends, family and even strangers brushing off L’s delays and saying “He’ll be fine”. I hear this constantly from people when I first tell them about L. I know in their heads they think it will make me feel better, but it just angers me! I feel like it belittles what we are going through, and that it is such a trite response. The truth of the matter is that even with all of his wonderful abilities L is not fine, he is not developing normally, and although progress is being made it is a slow process.
When we are cocooned at home it is easy to forget but as soon as we go on a playdate, or I see other children L’s age the differences are very apparent. Children he has grown up with so far are having whole conversations with their parents, are potty trained, are singing songs and pointing things out, are doing all sorts of things that L is not able to do yet. L is one of the loves of my life, and is wonderful in so many ways, but he is not fine so I wish that everyone would stop pretending that he is just to be nice. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “he’ll be fine, just look at so and so, he didn’t talk until he was 4 and look at him now, he’s fine”, and I have to bite my tongue and smile and nod but inside I just want them to truly understand and empathize with us…it’s ok to notice his delays and to talk about it. I won’t take offence I promise.
I can totally understand where you are coming from. It angers me so much esp. when my parents tell me this. My mom tells me all the time that I developed on my own time. We’ve been working with Ethan since he was 9 months old with First Words Project at Florida State University and we still don’t know what’s going on with him. We just know that he’s got some development delays. We were supposed to try and work on getting a diagnosis just recently and the experts said we don’t know. Keep working with speech therapy and all the other things we’re doing. When I try and talk to my friends I have to remind myself not to compare Ethan to their kids. He’s his own person and will develop the way he’s supposed to. I’ve had to stop reading the your child should be here emails that I get. My son is not there, and I’ve finally realized that by reading those emails it just upsets me more and more. What I’ve decided is yes, my little man is fine, fine for where he is and who he is.
Hi Lauren, thanks for the comments, I really appreciate them! I totally agree with you that it can be especially frustruating when coming from close family, because they should ideally be the most supportive! We are in the same place with L right now, no diagnosis yet, but continuing therapy appointments. I like how you worded it though: “my little man is fine, fine for where he is and who he is”, I’m going to think that way about my little man!
The other phrase I dislike, is “it’s just a phase…he’ll grow out of it”. OMG I want to scream when someone (my mom) says that to me!
Oh yes! I absolutely hate that phrase as well, and I hear it a lot!
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I hope I’ve never said this to you… But if I have, I’m sorry! I adore little L. I love being around him, I love having A around him… And I absolutely don’t ever want to frustrate or upset you. But I can absolutely understand why this phrase would bother you.
No, I don’t think you have ever said that to me, which is one of the reasons I am so glad to have you as a friend. You never judge, you just support…so thanks!